No more babies

Everyone I know since my sons birth has told me not to have anymore babies. I am a good mom both my kiddos are happy, well dressed, clean and loved beyond ridiculousness. But everyone keeps telling me no more babies. No that I want anymore not with the sleep deprivation my son has been giving me the past four nights. But, why after two do people say this. The reason I believe is my PPD they feel the best way to get rid of it is to have no mor children.

I have been contemplating having my tubes tied but I'm not sure of it's rational me talking or sleep deprived me talking.

I've been feeling pretty good lately though, I've been journaling and doing things that make me happy like shopping and reading. But today was a hard day because I was talking to aother mom who is a nurse at the LandD department at our local hospital and she was telling me how a ob assisted birth works and it isn't something that sounds to great. Midwives won't take me in again because of. My csection history, so much for a woman's right to choose. I am desperate for a natural birth and would do anything to have one. Now I feel like I can't have any more children because of the OB aspect of the story. I hated my OB after my daugters birth but forgave her for her unprofessionalism and poor care and allowed her to assist me again with my son and it was much better but I don't think I would want her as my primary caregiver. Midwifery care is uncomparable. So if I can't have midwives then I don't think I want more kids.

Oh well to bed now, who knows when my Busterbwill be up.
Oh w

This blog is for all the PPD Mama's out there

I decided to start this blog to get my feelings about PPD out there. I have struggled so long since my daughter was born to get over everything that happened with her birth. Don't get me wrong I love my babies but I wish I could be like other moms who have these beautiful natural deliveries and not have memories of operating rooms and being terrified associated with the birth of my beautiful daughter. I feel like less of a woman since they cut my baby out of me, is the feeling of defeminized exist? So many people have told me it doesn't matter how they come out as long as they are healthy but, it matters to me how they come out. I had midwives with my daughter knowing my chances were slim needing a section but it ended in csection, feeling as if my midwife failed me and the medical system in general.

I recently got kicked out of my natural parenting group because they discovered I had a section, I guess although they say it doesn't matter how they come out, it truly does. Don't people not everyone is to posh to push? Who has a csection.

This blog will help me get out my feelings and have some cute stories along the way as I live my life with ppd, a two year old little girl and a newborn baby Boy who's birth although ending in csection was very heLing in some ways.

I hope if someone is reading this and. Has been in my situation you can take comfort knowing that you are not alone out there!